Why Can’t There be a AAA for Everything

There I was on Tuesday night, sitting in the car chewing out  having a discussion with my youngest son about things, while unbeknown to me my headlights were on.  Sure enough, the battery was dead (it was a long discussion).

Crap!  OK, who do I know that can come give me a jump-start.  I even started calling the ex (the kids mom).  Then it hit me, I have AAA! I’ve paid for it for years (when you drive a 97 Ford Escort Station wagon with close to 300,000 miles, you start thinking about its mortality, and the need for a tow truck! (I bought it with 3 miles on it and it still gets 30 mpg, and I HATE car payments, I’ll drive him till he dies.))

A call to an 800 number, and a half hour later, voila!  The man in the white van shows up, and I am on my way!

This started me thinking, why isn’t there Triple A for other things?

I once was in the shower at work after working out early in the morning, I opened the bag where I always have my towel to find…nothing!  Damn!  Do you have any idea hard it is to use paper towels and how many it takes to dry your entire body off?  Why couldn’t I have called the AAA of showers and have a towel (or shampoo, or soap, or all the OTHER things  I have forgotten over the years.) delivered ASAP!

Then there was the time I shredded a pair of pants on the way to work.  I used to take the bus to work, and it was about a mile from the express bus stop to the office.  I didn’t want to catch a transfer, so I normally walked it!  Then one day I realized it was all down hill from the bus stop to the office!  I decided to use one of the kids silver razor scooters!  (I did learn that doing scooter laps in the office was not appropriate behavior for a supervisor…)

This worked great for weeks until the day I got cocky.  I tried to jump a curb.  Tumbled and shredded one leg of my Dockers….  This was 6 AM and the stores downtown didn’t open till 9.  I duct taped the pants together (not thinking that turning them inside out and taping the inside of the legs instead of the outside would have been a bit less conspicuous!)  Was there a Triple A of Pants I could call?  Nooooo,, I had to head for the BON (Now Macy’s) with duct taped pants…  They were less than impressed!

Ever show up to work and forget there was a pot luck?  I guess you could call for pizza delivery if you have a chance, but even though that works for me for breakfast potlucks, others don’t think so! Where’s the Potluck AAA?

How bout discovering you are the only one at the party or wedding who took the “No Gifts Required” message in the invitation to heart???  Imagine being able to make one call and the perfect gift, wrapped better than you ever could, appears out of nowhere!

If you are dumb enough to let the water bottles run dry either hiking or biking and there is no telling where the next AM/PM is…  Yep AAA, American Aquatic Association could zero in on your location and deliver cold powerade!

You are throwing darts at the bar and need a hat trick to win… speed dial and a Guinness drinking Irishman with his own darts strolls in the bar to sub in for you and win the night!  He could serve a dual purpose of facing down the big ugly sucker on the other team who may be mad.

For you ladies, what happens if you go to a gathering and someone there has the exact outfit you have on (we guys don’t care) send a tweet and a brand new ensemble will appear before anyone notices!

About to miss a connection when flying, send a text and  one of those magic golf cart with flashing lights scoops you out up and whisks you there in the nick of time! (Just how do some people get to ride the carts and the rest of us unwashed masses have to slog it afoot anyway?)

Bottom line, I am sure we have ALL had times where we wish we could have just dialed a number and had what we needed appear or be fixed.  Sadly this is not the case.  However, at least this night, which really wasn’t a good one in any way shape or form, the AAA guy saved my ass, and got me on the road in nuthin flat.  Free of charge….  That plus hotel discounts will keep me coming back!

But if any of you start the AAA for everything, I want my membership number to be since I thought of it first!

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