40 X 2

Well, as you know, one only turns 80 years old once.  I guess I should say, if you are lucky enough to survive that long, you will only turn 80 once!  That would be my Mother-in-Law this month.  Yep, she was born in July of 1933.

However, like many of us, she doesn’t like to admit her age, and she is NOT excited about the big Eight-Zero.  So, my wife and I came up with a plan.  If it is your birthday, and you have reached 80, you deserve special treatment.  SO, instead of one 80th birthday celebration, Mom gets 2 40s!  She giggle and loved that idea.

In my wife’s (and now that includes me) family, we gather together to take the birthday person out to breakfast.  In theory, the birthday person gets to pick the place.  However, after a couple of years ago, Denny’s has been banned by mom. Bummer, I love Dennys!

Yesterday was Mom’s first of 2 40’s.  She requested to go to Elizabeth & Alexanders Tea Room.   Now I like tea, in fact I have a cup or two every morning instead of coffee to get me going.  However, I had NEVER been to tea room.  “What does one eat at a tearoom?”  I asked.  “Teafaire” I was told.  Nope, I had now idea what teafaire entailed.  I looked on the menu and it had somethings I recognized, like Quiche, and others I did not, Torte.  Well lets go!  We can always go to Taco Time later if I am still hungry.

One of my wife’s nicknames for me is Ferdinand.  It’s because I am like a bull in a china shop.  Now I told you I drink tea every day.  But it is from a steel Starbucks cup with a lid! I walked into this place and I find this at my table.

imageTeeny tiny delicate cups with a teeny tiny little spoon.  Oh this CAN’T be a good plan!  Then I see there are sugar cubes on the table.


I have NEVER been anywhere where they had these.  I am pretty damn sure that I haven’t seen a sugar cube since the 70s when I they used to use them to give us kids our polio vaccines in the school cafeteria.  Then I looked around and noticed, yep, I am the only guy….  Oh this can’t be a good thing.  I was pretty sure I would leave there very hungry.  Or, worse yet, break something (lots of things!)

NOPE, not sure how to explain what a torte is, but it had a helluva lot of ham, cheese and veggies in it.  and it was DAMN good!  I was happily chowing down, while mom was chatting away eating her Quiche. (I had to chase down the server earlier though.  I am not sure really how it happened, but the Quiche she ordered had bacon in it.  She doesn’t eat meat.  “its ok, I will make it work”  she said.  I just barged in the back and said “HEY can we change our order!” (maybe thats one reason guys don’t go to tea rooms, we are a bit blunt and loud!))

The food was good!  However, the service mediocre, the place was too hot and the tea really wasn’t anything to talk about.  Mom liked it though and that’s what matters.

Right after we were down though, was the best part.  Well at least to me.  As we walked back to the car, I happened to the notice the latte stand we had walked by when we got there.  There was a dweeby looking 20 something sitting right outside the ordering window, just staring (and I am pretty sure drooling).  I looked in as we walked by and yep, bikini barista!  What the girl was wearing was probably NOT legal anywhere outside a strip club.

I couldn’t help it I started to giggle.  Right next to a very proper and sedate tea room, which I am sure had crumpets if I woulda asked, was tackiest of tacky latte stands.  I don’t know it they have bikini baristas where you are, but our are ALWAYS getting arrested for offering to show dirty old men (or dirty young men) a bit more of them selves for a bigger tip.  The juxtaposition of the two establishments (my big word for the day!) just hit my funny bone!

Well we got mom in the car without her seeing it, however, we had to pass the stand to get out of the parking lot.  Just as we did, mom looked over and the girls thong clad butt was framed perfectly in the window.  I heard mom yell “Holy Cats!” and I lost it all over again!

I will never forget the lunch Mom had in which she had Quiche and saw butt floss within seconds of each other.

Who knows WHAT will happen on her 2nd 40 this month!!



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