Recently the man-child, full of 15 years of experience said to me, “Why isn’t there a book to help explain ladies?” I just sat there, sipping my ice tea and smiling. It made me giggle.
Men and women just think differently. Now I will fully admit this is a very broad statement! It is in no way meant to say that men and women never agree. Or that one or the other is “right’ more often. But in general, there are distinct differences.
Now I am lucky! And this is not me trying to stay out of the doghouse. Michelle and I think alike on MANY things. We were able to learn this about each other when we were just friends, and it has carried into married life. She says it’s because she thinks more like a guy than a girl. I will agree with this, especially since I do not have a feminine side. Even she and I though have had issues.
She will bring up something that is bugging her, and I go straight to solution mode! This is what we are going to do. Luckily we have a good enough relationship that she sat me down and explained that she is not always looking for the fix to the issue. Sometimes she just wants to talk about it, and know that I understand whats bothering her, and why it does. This was completely foreign to me, but she and us together are worth it, so I am trying to be better! We’ll have to ask her if I have done so….
But, the spark for this post was NOT us. It was a Facebook post from our good friend G in AZ. She is an amazing lady, one of the top 5 moms, (with my mom and my wife included) I have ever met. Her kids are her life, and yet, they are not spoiled and are very well-rounded.
Well today, she adde a post that said “Ugh….. The downside of raising a boy to be kind and have a good heart? He gets pushed around at school and we’re only in the 3rd week of Kindergarten. This mama’s heart is slowly breaking…. And I thought the girls were the mean ones.”
So of course, I went into solution mode! It’s a reflex, and I said what every guy on her feed said, and in fact, what the majority of dads have said throughout the years when this occurs. He gets pushed, he pushes back, he gets hit, he hits harder! On the playground little boys can smell fear! They will pick on the weakest kid, and lord help him if he cries…
Now is this the way things should be? No. But it was the same when I was a kid, when my dad was, and when mine were in school. There will always be bullies, and the best you can do is stand up to them and they will move on! You can’t stop them from bullying, but you can stop them from bullying your kid! Took me till the 8th grade to learn this, and I got picked on a LOT till then! I lost the fight with Jimmy Pierce in the 8th grade, but no one picked on me afterwards!
I have had this argument many times, in my own family and at work. I had a friend at the Holy P who used to say “There is NEVER a time that is appropriate to hit someone (even spanking your own kids)” Well, of course, I like to poke the bear, so I always told her I was a big proponent of ritual beatings. (Yes I can be a pain.) But in all seriousness, there is a time to spank the kid, and a time for one kid to have a fight with another.
My oldest was in daycare. One of the boys in his room was bigger than the rest and was taking all the toys anytime he wanted. The teachers were trying to work with him, but to no avail. The now math major was about 3 at the time. He hid behind a bookcase, and tackled the kid as he walked by. He then sat on him, hitting his chest and yelling “Stop taking our toys!” until the kid cried. (the daycare teachers let him go a little longer than they normally would have before they broke it up.) And, afterwards, no more issues. 🙂 They had to write up an incident report, as in this case he was the instigator, but off the record they were very proud of him!
But I went back and looked at G’s thread. Though there were a smattering of ladies in the “He needs to kick their ass” camp. Most were identifying with G, understanding her feelings, trying to cheer her up. A classic example of the differences between the sexes. It’s a difference in mind set. I honestly think part of it is ladies have a tendency to thing beyond today, and think about what should be. Us guys, this is what it is now, so let’s do this!
Regardless of the person, though, each of us had the same goal. Our friend was hurting and we all wanted to help! So if you dig deep enough, we are all coming from the same place, but lord we get there different ways…
Wouldn’t change it though, it would get boring!
Oh final outcome, she is going to take the lad to karate class for kids! GREAT IDEA!!!