What does THIS button do?

When the Mathmajor and Manchild were younger, they were avid cartoon fans, just as I was when i was a kid.  However, instead of Loony Tunes, they had Cartoon Network.  Now some of these made NO sense to me whatsoever.  But others, like Dexter’s Laboratory I actually liked.

Dexter wasa super genius and had a secret lab.  He also had an annoying kid sister (HEY so did I!  She isn’t now but back when we were kids….) who would come in and destroy things.  Her name was Dee Dee, and she liked to say “What does THIS button do?” as she pushed it and ended up causing all kinds of havoc!


Michelle will tell you, I also LOVE pushing buttons, and do so frequently.  (And yes, she has slapped my hand when we were somewhere I shouldn’t touch anything!)

So of course, when I have been in Spokane, she wasn’t there to watch me, so push I did….

Both times it was in a rental car.  Whenever I rent one. I like to take a second to make sure I know how to do a few things.  Lights, windshield, defroster, heat, etc.  It’s smarter to do this while in the parking lot than when traveling on the freeway.  The first rental I had was a Chevy Suburban.  I took the time to find all of the items listed above.  Just as I pulled out, though, I saw some buttons on the rearview mirror.  I could hear a voice in my head, it was Dee Dee, saying “Ooooooo  What does this button……”

Editor’s note:  Just as an FYI, I drive a 1997 Ford Escort Station wagon I bought brand new in 1997.  It has 297,000 miles on it, and in all honesty, a lot of the buttons flat don’t work anymore.  So I had no clue what these were.

So I pushed the green one.  Suddenly I hear a phone ringing, and then a recording telling me I was Calling OnStar.  “CRAP!  I don’t want to do that!!”  Then I noticed a red button!  “Hey, I bet that ends the call!”  So I pushed it!  Suddenly I hear “OnStar emergency!  How may I assist you??”  DOUBLE CRAP!!!  “Is there a category for a person who stupidly pushed buttons in a rental car?”  The lady laughed and told me to have a nice day.

So one would THINK  I had learned a lesson.  Nope, today, heading for the office, I found a small button on the back of the steering wheel!  There was Dee Dee again, “Oooooo, What…” and I pushed it before it went any farther.

Next thing I know, my radio changes to XM satellite radio, and its on radio Margaritaville!  Oh hell yeah!  Jimmy Buffett!  Even better, the song that was playing was “God’s Own Drunk, and I’m a Fearless Man!”  This is one of my favorite songs by Jimmy.  And you NEVER hear it played.  I had a stupid smile plastered to my face the whole way to the office, and I am sure the barista at the drive thru thought I was crazy.

But somewhere out there, the music gods knew I was on my third week away from my wife, and missing being at home.  They sent me the perfect song to put me in a good mood, and keep me smiling all day long.  (Plus I KNOW there is a blog post in that song for the future….)

Sadly, at least for Michelle, I usually remember the fun things that happen when I push buttons, and not the mistakes.  This means I will probably keep pushing buttons.  But then again I am God’s own drunk, and I am a Fearless man!!


3 thoughts on “What does THIS button do?

  1. Blew out my flip-flop, stepped on a pop-top…

    Heard a lot of people think pop-top is pop-tart in that song. Lots of laughs. Reminds me of college and being harangued by my roomie for getting the lyrics wrong on songs all the time, and singing them seriously, loudly.

    1. My famous one, from last year. Love shack. There is a line “Tiiiiinnnn. Roof, RUSTED!” I’ve have always thought it was “Henryyyyyyyy, Busted!” Sang it out loud in a car full of people to be met by dead silence, and then gut busting laughter!

      Shoot, kids today don’t even know what a pop top is….

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