Ladies and gents I am crappy on dates.  If it weren’t for Facebook, I would flat miss most people’s birthdays.  (I try to skip mine each year but Michelle won’t let me) So it was with some surprise that I got an email from my buddy Jim this weekend reminding me where I and the rest of the Strohs Bros were 7 years ago.

Yep, it was Jim and Meli’s wedding!  Scott, Dave and I jumped a red-eye to Miami to attend.  We flew all night and got there at 6 AM, went to Jim’s to crash for a few hours and head off to Key West for Jim’s last hurrah.


There are many stories I could tell about that trip.  Including one of Jim’s coworkers meeting and flying a Hooters waitress down to spend the weekend with him.  He was sure he was gonna get lucky.  But that was one VERY intelligent lady, and she told me that he didn’t stand a chance.  Made me laugh.

But the main story was the fact Meli, the lovely pride, came very close to getting married with a black eye.

Now I was the only one who hadn’t met Meli.  We were all supposed to fly over and meet her a few years before, but a Hurricane that never hit cancelled our flight.  Scott and Dave had the chance to meet her since, but I was the last to do so.

However, Jim did an excellent job describing her though.  He had a reputation with the ladies in college and afterwards.


So I was very surprised he had fallen in love with an older lady, almost 60, and in poor health.  She had to rest quite often.  He himself was VERY surprised to have fallen for her, but as we know, we really have no control who we fall in love with.

I was excited to meet her, but we left in a whirlwind heading for Key West.  It was a serious pub crawling weekend.  Sloppy Joe’s Hogs Breath Saloon, Captain Tony’s it was a blast.  One of the most fun nights with these 4 ever.

On the way back to the hotel in the cab, though, he confessed to us.  He had cheated on Meli.  He had met Maria, on the cleaning crew at the office.  Over the weeks they talked when he worked late, and, being the Jim we knew, one thing let to another and he was sleeping with her.  BUT he had broken it off, it was over and he was marrying Meli!  And sappy as it sounded, you could hear how much he loved his fiancée.

So, 24 hours and a bit of a hangover later, we were back in Miami, at a bar (go figure) where we were going to meet Meli.  Sadly, she called after we got there.  She was just not feeling right (kidney problems) and wanted to go home to bed.  With the wedding looming, she wanted to make sure she was rested.

So, it was guys night agin (with the Hooters girl tagging along).  We were having fun, when I saw Jim say “OH SHIT!” and turned white.  Next thing I knew, he was talking to this young, very cute girl, with a heavy spanish accent.  He led her away and came back after a bit letting us know it was Maria.  She had come in trying to rekindle the affair, but he sent her packing.

Before I could get another beer, she was back, sitting at the table, and threatening to ruin Jim’s wedding.

OH HELL NO!!  Battlemode time!  No one messes with one of us.  We all started rising to his defense.  But somehow I took the lead.  We were in each others faces!  Now folks, I want to go on record that I NEVER condone a guy striking a woman.  This chick was pushing EVERY button there was, threatening to sneak in and ruin the wedding.  Claiming to Love Yimmy more than his Bri-DAH did!  I was shaking I was so mad.  And it was everything I could do NOT punch her.

I flat threatened her if I saw her anywhere near the wedding.  I saw Scott leave the table to get a bouncer, finally some backup!

My eyes were wide, teeth gritted, and fists clenched.  How do I know this?  Because it was filmed.  Why?  Because it was a practical joke.  Maria was actually Meli and she looks like this!

imageShe is much younger than Jim!  And YEP, everyone was in on it!  BASTARDS!  For the rest of the night, after giving her a hug, I just drank and looked at her saying “You aren’t old….”  “I was going to punch you”  I was in a head spin.

When we lined up at the wedding, I can be heard on tape, saying “If some old lady walks down this aisle I am punching SOMEONE in the mouth!”  But nope it was young gorgeous Meli.

I got some revenge though.  NOT everyone at the wedding had heard this story, so when I got up to do a toast with the microphone, it started with “I only met Meli yesterday, right after I met Maria, the cleaning girl Jim was having an affair with….”  You could hear whispers int he crowd….  “Jim had an affair? Does Meli know….”

I will give them credit, this took work on their parts, and they pulled it off!  Gotta love my friends!


3 thoughts on “Battlemode!

    1. It was too good NOT to tell! And I tell it with pride. It’s rare to be part of an epic prank, whether the victim or a participant. This one was amazing! Mostly due to the fine performance by your amazing wife!

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