Folks, a word of warning here. I am going to do something I don’t normally do, I am going to stereotype a group of people. Now the group of people in question are men, so, since I am part of this group, I feel ok doing so.
Remember, as always, the opinions of this page are mine and mine alone, and I never try to annoy or offend (OK maybe sometimes I do to a particula rperson or two, but NOT this time.) So read on if you’d like!
First, it’s probably important that I explain Manlaw. Manlaw is that list of rules that guys adhere to in their day-to-day life. It’s what separates our actions from those of women.
What’s that? You want examples? OK here are a few.
When you ask a buddy to help you out, such as Dave fixing my lawn mower, you show up with a 6 pack of beer or, now that we are older, a bottle of wine as “payment”. If its something bigger, like helping someone move, or remodeling an entire downstairs, beer AND pizza is the expectation. As the guy helping, though, you can expect the booze and food, but you never ask, nor flip him crap if he forgets.
Another? Well for the most part, we do EVERYTHING we can to avoid chickflicks and chickbooks (Nicholas Sparks for example.) We prefer explosions, gun fire, space battles or three stooges humor. HOWEVER, this rule can be set aside for date nights with your wife (luckily mine doesn’t make us go to these, though she does have some she will break out of the DVD cupboard (Under the Tuscan Sun) and I am happy to watch with her) or when you are hoping to date a lady more than once.
Unlike ladies who will make a point to tell their friends how good they look on a particular day, or even a stranger walking down street, guys do NOT do that to other guys. I’ve been asked, “Don’t you think he’s a good-looking guy?” To which the reply has always been a blank look, and a “I dunno, he’s a guy, how do I know….”
Our one variance to this rule would be if a buddy is in a tux or suit for something like a wedding. On those occasions, we will let go with a “Lookin Sharp!” or “DUDE!!” and land a high 5…
Oh, and Levis, cargo shorts, and shirts belonging to your favorite sports teams (COUGS and Seahawks for example) are correct attire (in fact encouraged) for any social event!
Finally, Farts are funny! Everytime!
So why am I sharing this? Well today I had a Manlaw confirmed.
Another rule: NEVER EVER have an opinion on what color to paint something, especially if it’s the outside of the house!
I had a co-worker come in last week and tell me she was mad at her husband because he wouldn’t help pick out a color, or even give an opinion when she narrowed it down. I laughed and said “Of course he didn’t! It goes against Manlaw!” (Yep used that exact phrase) I then told her the paint color law.
She gave me a very strange look, and said, “I don’t get it! Why wouldn’t you want to help choose?”
Well there are many reasons.
One, as long as we don’t have to paint it, the color really doesn’t matter. But that’s NOT the biggest reason. We don’t want to have anything to do with the color, because there is ALWAYS that possibility that when it is done, she will hate it! If the hate is bad enough, it could call for a second painting, with a new color, and therefore double the price. If it’s not bad enough to repaint, then every time she comes up to the house, she will remember how much she hates it. Guys don’t want to be attached in any way to something like that. We succeed in getting into enough trouble without going out of our way to do so.
She looked at me like I was a bit nuts (which is NOT abnormal) and we went about our day.
Well today, she comes in and tells me (wait for it!) “I HATE the color!” I couldn’t help it, I started giggling! When she looked at me I stopped and said, ” I am SO sorry to laugh, but you have just proved why the manlaw exists!”
“Well maybe if he would’ve weighed in, I would’ve picked something else?” “Nope,” says I, “The something else could have been even worse, it’s just safer not to.”
Remember, this is merely one man’s opinion, but I’ve survived a long time using these rules. Maybe I need to start some Manlaw seminars?
Thanks for reading!