Looking back, I know I am the way I am, in many ways, by the way I was raised. I always treat ladies as ladies. Even the ones that are good friends and I flip crap to everyday, I will hold the door and tell them when they look nice. I also make sure, even if they can do it, to offer to carry heavy stuff at work, or anywhere else. It’s what guys do, its Manlaw. In my travels this weekend, I saw a few breaches in Manlaw, and one classic example of adhering to it.
First the breaches.
Michelle and I were off to her Mom’s assisted living place to try to figure out why her internet was not working. Folks, this 81 year old woman rarely cusses, but after an hour of trying to get the free interwebs to work, we determined we needed to get Comcast out for a paid service provider. (Sadly Comcast is our only option for this building.) When we told her, she said, and I quote, “I don’t give a RAT’S Ass what we do, I need my computer!” Yep made me giggle!
On the way there though, is when I saw the two breaches. The first was right near our house. A guy was in his front yard, with about a dozen pieces of fire wood to split. He was easily 15 years younger than I was. Instead of using an axe, though, he had a giant log splitter.
OK, power tools are cool, and fun to use. But there is nothing better, more stress relieving, and better exercise than using either an axe or a sledge/wedge combination to turn rounds into usable sizes. In my time I spent hours working up a good sweat doing just that. Maybe this was the end of an entire cord, but it sure looked like that was all he had. Just seemed a bit of overkill.
Soon there after, we were on the freeway, and there on the shoulder was pickup with flat tire. It was raining, and a Washington State Department of Transportation truck had pulled over and was changing the tire. The driver was dry inside while this was being done.
I asked Michelle, please tell me it is a lady or an older guy in the cab. Why a lady? Well refer to my opening paragraph. I would have told the lady to stay dry (it’s the gentlemanly thing to do) while I changed it. I’ve done just that many times in my past.
However, if I’ve tried to change my own tire (and I am going to give him credit for at least trying (as that is a manlaw as well, ALWAYS try to change your own tire. Sometimes you just can’t crack the lug nuts, but you try) )and the person changing it is not someone I am paying (DOT was being nice) then I am damn well going to be out in the rain with him. It just seems like the right thing to do.
OK, in both cases, there could be a medical issue preventing them from doing things the “right” way. So I am in no way condemning them. I am jut pointing out that they are breaching the rules I was raised to live by.
Later, I thought I was seeing another breach. After taking care of Mom, we had dinner and went wine tasting. While at Dusted Valley a VERY pregnant lady came in.
Editors note: I have learned the hard way NOT to as a woman if she is pregnant. Michelle tried to teach me this, but it took getting my butt chewed a few times before it sunk in. Now, I don’t care if the lady is doing la maz breathing and being wheeled into a delivery room, if she hasn’t volunteered she is pregnant, as far as I am concerned she is just retaining water….
I know she was pregnant as she was talking to the Dusted Valley ladies and said “I am due anytime now, in fact I am 2 cm dilated! (OK I did NOT need to hear that!) She was there as a member of the wine club, and wanted to pick up the fall release as part of her errands.
She filled out the form, and Veronica filled the case and brought it around the bar. For a second I looked like she was going to hand to hand the box to the lady to carry herself! “OH hell no!!” I could just picture her going into labor halfway to her car!
I was going to put down my glass and carry it when I heard Veronica say “Lead the way!” Phew!
Editor’s note 2: Some of you might be wondering why Manlaw wouldn’t have made me offer to carry the box for Veronica. Well, I have been going to this winery for a VERY long time. I learned early on NOT to make Veronica (or any of the ladies in DV) think they can’t do something. When I am working there, I do the lifting, When I am a customer (unless they are swamped and short-handed) my job is to let them do their job!
Those were the breaches and the almost breach, but until I started writing this, I hadn’t realized I saw classic Manlaw adherence. We were at the winery to meet up with Michelle’s Ex and his new wife. He had a HUGE, and might I add damn heavy rubber made storage box of his stuff in our shed. He finally wanted to pick it up.
Now I am older than he is, but I am taller, stronger and in better shape. That damn thing was big and hard to move. So when I took it out of the car, I offered to help carry it clear across the parking lot to his vehicle. “Nope, got it!” he said, and took it himself. It was a struggle, and he barely got it off the ground, but he did it. His personal Manlaw made him not accept help for his ex’s new husband.
OK, many of you will be shaking your head at me about now, and thinking this whole Manlaw thing is silly. And you know, you are probably correct. Maybe instead of Manlaw, it should be called common courtesy, but then that could ruin my cold and callous image.
Whatever it is, it keeps my life interesting, and for the parts that apply to treating ladies as ladies, I know Manchild and MathMajor have learned these most important Manlaws. Not sure if they will change their own tires though…