Low Rent District of Hell

Well folks, I am back in Spokane this week, and recovering from the plague I picked up last week.  This means there’s been no real cycling.  I did learn today, though, that at least in Spokane, the lady spin class instructors are MUCH tougher on the students that the guy instructors!  I did almost once again tip over the spin bike, which would have resulted in a giant yoga pant clad game of dominoes! (Spinimoes?)

But since there is no other cycling news (except wondering how many of the bobbing pony tails in the class have told their fathers “Dad!  There was a guy as old as you in class today! And he didn’t die!” ) I decided to tell a story of when I first heard the term used in the title of this post….

I was telling the participants in class about some of the strange things one hears as a supervisor in an insurance company.  I had one of my people once tell me . “You know, I just learned that geese do not always fly south?”  I must’ve looked at her in a perplexed way, as she went on to explain.  “Yes, until last week, I thought geese always flew south on this side of the world, then crossed over the south pole.  Then they’d fly north, like over Africa, and go over the north pole to go south again.”

The woman was dead serious…  I will tell you, no lie, I sat down right in the middle of the floor, between desks and laughed so hard I almost wet my pants!  I just couldn’t stop.  Luckily she had a good sense of humor and liked me!

But, better than that was the discussion of being a vegetarian and the bible.  As we all know, a smart boss will NOT delve into religion with his employees.  And trust me, that is one rule I NEVER broke.  Except this once, and I did NOT start it.

One of my adjusters, we will call her Mildred, was a vegetarian.  One of her goals in life was to convert as many of us normal eaters to the dark side.  At the time, I will tell you I ONLY ate veggies when I was stuck at the inlaws house and they made some for dinner, or if there was lettuce on my burgers.  I just didn’t believe in them, and was a militant carnivore.  (Back then I always said “Why eat vegetables when god has invented vitamins!”  Now, married to vegetarian, I eat MUCH better and days can go by without my having meat!)

One day Mildred looked at me and said, “You need to reconsider being a vegetarian!  Noah was one, and live MUCH longer than Adam!”

I turned and looked at her and ask, “How do we know this?”  “It’s in the bible,” was her reply.

I will admit, at the time I had never read the bible, and I went to church as often as I do these days (insert the word never) but I was NOT buying what she said.  I had never heard of a biblical vegetarian, nor that it made a character in the book live longer than another.

I wanted proof (shocking I know), but Mildred told me she was sans bible.  Damn! (This was LONG before the Google!) So I went for plan B.  I broke out the yellow pages, and turned to C (for churches).  I picked one at random and dialed.

When the lady answered, I said, “I hope you can help me.  A co-worker and I are having a discussion.”  I then explained the theory. “Could you tell me if this is true?”

Well the lady on the other end did NOT seem pleased.  “WHY would you call here asking that?”

“Well,” I said, “Yall are a church, and I figured somewhere there would be a bible or two.  So if it’s NOT too much trouble would you mind checking to see if Noah was a vegetarian and who lived longer.”  I was very polite and friendly, but she flat hung up on me! (I found that quite rude for a church worker)

Mildred was having a conniption!  She had heard the whole thing and was sputtering trying to get words out.  “Tony!!” she said finally, “I can’t believe you just did that! You are are going to burn in the low rent district of Hell! In fact, you will need to catch the uptown bus to catch a glimpse of heaven!”

She then stormed off….

Me? I howled!  For once I wasn’t being a pain, I was simply seeking info.  Her reaction made me giggle every time I saw her over the next week or so.  Which of course just made her madder.

I specifically looked for any reference of vegetarian when I read the bible recently.  Not once mention.  I am thinking she was mistaken!

Could be, though I better invest in brimstone proof bus pass though…

Like the wind folks!

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