I used to have a way with women

Not that long ago, I was chatting virtually with my blogger buddy Sarah, of Honoring My Compass. As much as I like to think I am a ‘real’ cyclist and have adventures, Sarah is truly in a league above me!  I recommend checking her blog out and following her, as she will be cycling in Patagonia this winter!

When I follow and talk to  fellow cycling bloggers, I always thank them for saving a spot for me in their panniers as they travel. (I say backpack for hiking bloggers).  She replied giggling telling me that her spell check changed a place in the panniers to a place in the pants while typing the reply.  This almost made me spit out my sip of wine!  Which in turn reminded me of the very worst introduction to a girl I ever had….

Back in the College days (GO COUGS!) I was an education major.  The plan was to graduate and teach science to high school kids. One semester, I was teamed up with a group of like-minded individuals as TAs for Biology 101 at the college.

One of them, the REALLY older guy (which as I type this I now realize he may have been younger than I am now) was a retired police officer who was going back to school.  He had been in class with us all semester, yet never went out with us for our ‘planning sessions’ at the Campus Cavern.

Well, the last Friday of the semester he agree to come along, but asked if we minded if his wife and daughter came as well.

Editors note: Even back then, I was a bit oblivious, I didn’t know he was married let alone had a kid.  I do recall feeling sorry for the girl as I could picture was a younger female him.  NOT attractive!

Well, we from the class got there early, and being COUGs, ordered beer.

Beer

(No our beer was NOT near this good, knowing us it was Bud Light or Miller, or some other cheap crap)

We’d been there about an hour, and somehow 4 of us got the wild hair that we were all going to pile into Mark’s pickup truck the following Friday (after finals) and head to Jerry Johnson Hotsprings.  These were a couple of miles from the road, rustic natural springs right next to a creek.  Having never been to a hot springs before, I was ALL over this!

Well we were chatting away, and the older guy, who wasn’t going to come with us, was throwing out ideas, and offering us camping items we didn’t have with us at school when his family came in.

It was your classic TV scene.  Mrs Older Guy was very nice (but she was old, of course (again MUCH younger than I am now)) but his daughter  Andrea (HI I go by Andi!) was gorgeous.  Shorter than I was, blonde hair, and she sat right across from me! Being the suave and debonair guy I was, I am sure I dazzled her with a witty “Hi…” and a quick beer sip.

Well we kept talking, and suddenly someone (wasn’t me, as I was still a bit tongue-tied if I remember correctly) invited Andi along with us.  Mr. Old Guy did NOT seem pleased! Now the group going was 2 guys and 2 girls initially, all friends (as far as I knew then, later learned Mark was dated one of the girls, but that’s a WHOLE other story).  I could see him being mad if it was 4 guys and her, but I guess he was over protective.

Mark, ever the peace keeper and who considered himself to be VERY funny,

Editor’s note 2: Truly he was a very nice guy but NOT all that funny, but he was also 6’8″ tall and almost as broad across the shoulders.  I was NOT gonna be the one to tell him he wasn’t!

Patted Mr Old guy on the shoulder and said, “Where’s the worry, you know as well as I do that water THAT hot will keep anything bad from happening!”

Editors note 3: Before I go on, I must explain.  We were all science teachers.  Therefore we found (and I still do) science stuff cool and fun!  He was referring to the fact that very hot water works wonders in preventing pregnancies as temps that high severely reduce the sperm count.  We had JUST covered that in last weeks lesson of class.

Well the man said this just as I took a big mouthful of beer.  Now I am not sure whether I was trying to laugh because I thought this was funny, or I was shocked that he would say something like this to a man who was always armed and not afraid to shoot first…  Regardless, the effect was the same.  He said it, and I blew the full mouthful of beer clear across the table and all over the cute girl I had barely spoken too…

The whole table, hell, the bar, went silent for second.  I was mortified! And she just started laughing, as did everyone else (even her dad!)

I will save the story of the  trip itself for a later blog post, but I will say she and I went out a few times after this.  She said the fact I immediately handed her my zip up sweat shirt from the back of my chair to change into showed her I was nice guy and worth getting to know!

At the time though, I was thinking “Well now her dad has NO worries that anything will happen from me!” Which, as I think about it, might have been why he stopped being against the trip.  He was thinking the same thing! “No girl is going to get together with a dumbass who spit beer all over her!”

YEP, I had a way with women back then!

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6 Responses to I used to have a way with women

  1. sarburch says:

    Oh my! What a fun read! Starting with the second paragraph, you had me laughing out-loud. I *totally* forgot about my smartphone wanting to save a place for you in my pants. Ha! But then the rest of the story…OMG, that’s hilarious! Totally a scene from a movie!

    You clearly have a way with the ladies, Tony. After all, you had me tickled pink with your kind words about my “league.” (Thank you!) Lucky for Michelle that she was the one who captured your heart in the end. If you weren’t married to Michelle, I might ask her to step outside in the alley to “settle mattes.” 😉

    Looking forward to Part Two — the story about the trip! Hopefully the hot water really did prevent anything bad from happening. 🙂

    • I had forgotten it as well, and I was having blogblock when I saw the a note I wrote “Beer Spew”

      It was fun remembering it, and in fact I woke up last night and remembered “Mr Old Guy’s” name was Larry!!

      and now you are flattering me! That would be an epic “step outside!” but I am VERY lucky Michelle took me as her’s and can overlook things that have happened since then! (The fart heard round the parking lot for one!)

      The part two will be a bit harder, as the trip itself is a bit fuzzy, but it will happen!

      and thanks again for the spot in your panniers, and for your pants (I mean phone!) inspiring a post!

      • sarburch says:

        The fart heard ’round the parking lot?!?!? Is this something you’ve blogged about? If not, I hope we hear that one, too. 🙂

      • it wasnt its own post.

        There was this one time we went wine tasting, and we all know, we can’t always control when internal gas pressure builds. Well, we were done at the last winery and outside.

        As it was a quite windy day, I was hoping that i could take care of issues on the way back to the car and with no one the wiser.

        However, as soon as I relaxed some, it ALL came rushing out, the loudest one ever! A couple 2 rows over gave me a boisterous round of applause and a “WELL DONE!” I raised my glass in return!

        Michelle looked at me and said “Out of here now!!” (Now we laugh about it!

      • sarburch says:

        Ha! Wow! Nice, work, champ! You have a way with a lot of things. 😉

      • Thank you thank you! I do try!

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